I met a great guy a few months ago and we have been seeing each other more and more since then. We finally took the big step (sex) about a week and a half ago, twice more since, and I thought it was great. But when we saw each other last time, he said he didnt think that we were “sexually compatible” and we should probably not see each other anymore before someone got hurt. I am already hurt!! I mean, I have never had any complaints before and when I tried to find out what I was doing wrong he said it was not that, it was just a “compatibility thing” What the hell does that mean?…
Signed Confused in Coppell
It’s really the worst time to break up, right after you start sleeping together. Sex is a big investment for most women, so if you break up before that happens, its not as harsh. If you break up after you have been sleeping together a few months you can find comfort in that the relationship was more than just sex, and just didnt work out. But right after stings a bit, and on top of that, it kicks your egos butt because you are questioning your “skills”. (Don’t ask me how I know this, I just do.) You also have “added to your number” in vain. I know you girls get that!
“What good looks like to you” makes up a few areas, interests, personality, way of life, money management, physical attraction, and yes sexual compatibility. Now there are usually clues to wether you are sexually compatible with someone, through phyical attraction, conversation about it, etc… The thing is you really don’t know if you are until…well you have the sex. I personally think there is a bit more going on here than that. If you were “What good looks like to him” in all other areas, he would probably just come to you about the sex part, and maybe make suggestions or try to encourage behaviors he likes in bed. That he just decided he was done- tells me there may be other ways you were not exactly what he was looking for.
But you are a smart girl, and want a guy that is crazy about you! You want a guy that you feel like you make happy, satisfy. You want a guy that you don’t have to wonder about. At some point he realized it was not a good long term match- for whatever the reasons, spoken or unspoken. The sooner that he calls it, the better. You don’t really want a man to stay with you when he doesnt want to be- right? Shake it off Sister. Lose his number, defriend him, unfollow him and move on. Put yourself in a position to find good again. I know you will proceed to the bedroom with caution the next time around and that’s OK. Try to have open and honest conversations about sex with potential partners before- likes, dislikes, boundaries, etc… If a man you are considering sleeping with says to you he enjoys and wants certain things that you don’t in bed maybe through communication, you can find that out beforehand.
Write me back in a few months to tell me about the great guy you were able to meet since this one did you the favor of letting you go.