So he bought you a crappy Valentines Day gift?

OK so Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and this morning I wake to the letters of ladies all around the US, doing what we do best- over-analyzing. What he got you, where he took you, who sent you a text, who didn’t…what does it mean?

“He got me a gift certificate for 10 Instalube oil changes, does that mean he doesn’t really love me?”

“We went to this local pub for heart shaped pizza & wings instead of a nice restaurant, do you think he may be thinking of me like a friend?”

“He got me a ruby pendant, but he knows my favorite gem is emerald, what does that mean?”

Really? Ladies, really? This is why men hate Valentines Day. Look, some guys are better at this stuff than others. Now I will give you, that when men truly care about the women in their lives, they will go out of their way to desperately not screw up this day because they know it means so much to us. They will consult their friends, the women at the office etc… The sad truth is that even then, the key word here is still “try”.

Maybe he thought you had so many rubies already and that emeralds would offset that nicely? I personally think heart- shaped pizza is insanely romantic, especially if he lets you pick the toppings. Maybe he couldn’t afford or get reservations for a nicer place. Maybe he knows you love honey garlic wings? An oil change? Well it’s only romantic depending on how ya look at it. What does romance look like to you? It may not be romantic in the traditional sense, but to a man, he is looking out for and protecting the woman he cares about and that is always adorable. To me that would be especially sweet because I am terrible about remembering to do those things and that would help! Thoughtfulness has many forms.

Want a confession from your favorite Dating Diva? One year I actually forgot it was Valentines Day and only when I walked in my house and saw his gift and flowers for me was I reminded. Well, that sure didn’t sit well because us women are supposed to LOVE this day and the fact that I had forgot all about it showed him that I really wasn’t “…invested in the relationship.” (Dear Ex-BF, If you are reading this- I still feel a bad about that, truly sorry.)

My ex husband never missed a birthday, anniversary, or Valentines. I had rings for every finger including my thumbs. I had gems I never even wore and flowers for any occasion that you should get flowers for. Was it because he cherished me and our relationship? Nope. It was because he was “supposed to.” The other days I was lonelier in that marriage than I have ever been single. I would trade all the diamonds on earth from a man who gives them because is supposed to for an oil change from a man that loves me year round any day of the week.

Here is the real question girls: How do you FEEL when you are with this person the other 364 days of the year? When you are with him is it what good looks like to you? Is he kind and thoughtful towards you? Is he honest with you? Does he include you in his life? Trust you with his secrets? Does he want you there to share both his victories and defeats with you? If that is true than pay attention- those are the greatest gifts a man gives the woman he loves and trusts. I certainly wouldn’t draw into question that kind of relationship for any gem or romantic restaurant. Yes, its true men that love you will plan for days they know are special to you, but sometimes it comes out as what looks like romance to HIM. I wouldn’t judge an entire relationship on a single day.

A final thought. I hope whatever gift you received was received with graciousness. There is never an excuse for bad manners and the best way to ensure that a man won’t want to give you any more gifts is if you act like an ungrateful bitch- which us Diva’s do NOT. Ever. For any reason.  Happy Valentines Day.